Am I wrong, here?
Conventional wisdom has taught me that if I have to ask that question, the answer is “Probably, yes” but I have something I just need to put out there.
To catch some of you up: My youngest son is six, he has moderate to high functioning autism and speech delay. He’s a little ray of human sunshine and my protective instinct with regard to him is probably about two tics past ten on what might be reasonable.
That said, my partner and I got into something like an argument yesterday over picking out new school clothes. I say “something like” because we really don’t argue at this point (we’re also so cute together it’s horrifying sometimes- but I digress).
It went like this:
- Sam: Juni’s going to need new shoes soon. I noticed the last pair you bought were lace-ups and I thought we were going to try velcro with him to see if it helps him put his own shoes on.
- Me: Velcro shoes are really dorky looking, so I bought him the ones he has now because they were on sale and not ugly.
- Sam: I don’t care if they’re dorky looking, we had him working on putting on his own shoes and— ((here’s where I probably went wrong. I interrupted, cut him off, and got defensive—I may have also raised my voice))
- Me: You don’t care? Wonderful. I do. I don’t want him to have a crappy haircut or pants that are too short, or stupid looking velcro shoes! We have so many other challenges and I have so little control that I’d really like to make sure he looks cute. Yes, it’s important to me and I hate that it’s so easy for you to just cast aside as frivolous.
- Sam: That’s not what I said at all. I know he has challenges and cute shoes aren’t going to make those go away. ((I started to interrupt again and then thought better of it)) What I’m saying is- it’s more important that he build a self sufficient skill that can make him feel good about doing something on his own. You don’t like velcro? Fine, but laces aren’t working either so we need to find another option.
We decided I’d look at Vans or Toms, or something similar to those without the price tag. I left feeling somewhat shallow about caring about Juni’s clothes and hair though, and I don’t think I am at all. I’ve started to see fashion as a a valid form of self expression and one that is significant to a lot of people. Not in the sense that I care if he’s wearing this seasons “must have” $400 kids shoes- but in the sense that I want to instill in him a basic foundation of dress that does not instantly ostracize him from his peer group. I want him to be clean, have decent looking clothes, and for the love of Pete I want to find a barber who can work with a squirming kid and not wind up giving him a bowl haircut.
I get told “Well, you are a different case.” or “You have more important things to worry about with Juni.” As if my input and interest in everyday parenting frustrations is completely invalid because my child needs speech and occupational therapy.
I just get so frustrated that I am excluded from almost every discussion about parenting. No matter the topic: discipline, diet, tantrums, and now even clothing.
Notes (7)
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sweetbutterbliss reblogged this from fattypolitic and added:
I am lucky if my autistic child will put clean underwear on if I’m not supervising. She doesn’t tell us when stuff is...
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sweetbutterbliss liked this
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leytacle reblogged this from fattypolitic and added:
looks like. Do kids...age know or care what dorky...unless...
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fattypolitic reblogged this from micesacle and added:
I do. To the extent that he has any interest at all in picking them. He’s generally more interested in rolling the...
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micesacle reblogged this from fattypolitic and added:
self-expression, yet you’re enforcing specific clothes on him? You’re expressing yourself,
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depthsofdawn said:
My brother has tourette’s syndrome and speech problems and ADD and learning disabilities. My mother dressed him in whatever and he didn’t know he looked dorky, so he didn’t care. But when I decided I’d help him out and dress him better, people
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queerandpresentdanger liked this
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summerna liked this
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fattypolitic posted this
